8 years on…

Father and sons

Father and sons

Can you believe it?  Eight years ago I was about to embark on a most terrifying journey – divorce!  It was the most crushing summer of my life, nothing compared to the pain I went through and my immature way of handling things.  I hurt, wow did I hurt.  I was angry and that’s not a nice state of being to either experience or to witness.  During this journey my parents were my rock.  Although I never talked in depth to my dad about things, he was the one who initiated all the telephone calls, handing me over to my mother to go deeper into things.  I got through through all of it thanks to their unwavering support – to me, the boys and to the boys’ father too, they never stopped respecting him as their father.

My best friend Lana, godmother to second born, was also my rock.  She was between living here and back home in Croatia that year but she was there at the end of the phone or right by my side when she would visit.  She was the voice of reason, the voice of calm, the voice of practical common sense and thanks to her I was able to make sure that on a practical, financial level, everything was taken care of for the boys.

It is now eight years since and I rejoice at having received the gift of final separation of a relationship which had fallen dead on its feet without either of us realising at the time.  The journey has been intense and so worthwhile.  I have learned that I do eat more when stressed and I envy all those women who lose tons of weight when they separate, alas it was not meant to be for me!!

I also discovered some really good girlfriends who have been there for me during those hard times and since.  Interestingly enough most of them have left Mallorca since and whilst I miss them very much, I recognise that they were here at a very important time of my life and I thank them from the bottom of my heart – they helped rebuild me.  I am learning to reconnect with people again, slowly but I am getting there and I am starting to see a way forward.

I have done a lot of great things since that summer of 2007.  I went back to work and enjoyed five and a half years in the best job I ever had, working for Planet Space.  I still enjoy connecting with my old bosses and colleagues from time to time, taking along a cake for them to enjoy or just popping in.  I started a Peace Centre which was an ambitious project, stalled but not forgotten.  I have my own weekly radio show, “The Happiness Café” every Monday morning at 10am on Mallorca Sunshine Radio – there’s a plug you can’t ignore!  I am proud of that show and what it stands for and invite you to follow.

The best of all is now, 8 years on, as my ex, our sons’ father has come to live next-door-but-one!  Yes he has taken number 2 in our street and there is only number 4 between our houses.  I am so happy, my hand on my heart, this is the best thing to have happened to our family and no words can describe the joy I feel at having Rob living nearby.  To see how happy the boys are is to feel that Rob and I have come a long way since June 2007.  He still annoys the hell out of me but I am doing his washing until he gets his own washing machine.  The laugh I had with first born when he realised I was hanging out his dad’s washing is priceless – you should have seen the two of us in the garden with me begging him not to tell his friends!  Second born is just a happy bunny, he doesn’t like us arguing but hey, we’re still learning, his father and I!

 

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Celebrations

fathers and daughters; family; heros; children;

My dad and me!

My wonderful father Gerry German would have been 87 years young today!  It is going on three years since he left us to go dance with the angels and spread magic on my world.  He and my mother Patricia have been the greatest gifts on my life – I am proud that they allowed me to be their daughter or is it that I am proud that I had the sense to choose them as my parents!

This week has seen my birthday too and of course, like every year the first thing I would remember was how dad used to come into my bedroom first thing on my birthday and tell me “remember, it’s not another year older but another year wiser”.  I would reflect on my acquired wisdom before getting up to enjoy my special day and this year was no exception.

I am wiser than ever before but maybe that’s not saying too much as I still make the same mistakes sometimes!  However, I feel a sense of calm that wasn’t there in the past, a sense of acceptance, that all is well in my world, a serenity if you may.  I am proud of what I have achieved in the past year.  I have a weekly radio show “The Happiness Café” that put out 28 shows last year with inspiring guests and listeners tuning in from all over the world.  The feedback has been positive and people seem to enjoy the show.

I am especially proud that my relationship with my siblings gets better and better.  Last summer took in a trip to my younger sister’s home in Devon and that was a special highlight of my summer holidays.  Christmas and New Year was spent laughing and eating with most of my family except for big sister who was with her own family in Ras al-Khaimah.  It felt really good being with the family and knowing that skype provided a back up for those not physically present.  Second born was a fantastic travel companion every time and we even managed to get first born to come on one of the three trips back last year but always itching to get back to his life here in Mallorca.

My mother continues to be my rock, my source of wisdom and allowing me to make  sense of the world.  Each time spent in her company is gaining more understanding about myself.  I am so grateful for the gift of her in my life – so eternally grateful that she is there for me, with love and understanding.

So what did I do on my birthday this year?  I was 53 years young and I went dancing with my sons in the mountain village of Deìa.  Second-born disappeared as soon as we got there but first-born and I enjoyed some boogie moves in the village hall, surrounded by international, young people who apparently get together every Saturday between 12 and 2pm to dance!  The energy of these people was great and focussed and I really enjoyed my birthday, simple but great are the pleasures!

The challenges now to keep celebrating every day as it comes will keep me busy.  I have plans and big hairy audacious ones at that!  I shall enjoy more radio and look forward to developing more monologues which I hope to put on for you later this year, into a one woman show.  I have voice overs to do so listen out for me if you call the electricity company or if you take the boat over to Cabrera and want to know more of the history!  Perhaps you’re booking a holiday with a certain hotel chain, well you might get me telling you which button to press!

Life is good and I am 53 years young!  Wise, serene, happy and in love with life!

Enjoy your year!

 

The Happiness Café @Monday at 10am – http://www.mallorcasunshineradio.com

DJ Nin Petit organises “Wake up dances” in Deìa on Saturdays at Sa Tanca

Wasting no time

Tick box

Tick box

As you know I joined a dating site recently and had to prepare my profile which would hopefully interest would-be suitors.  So far, from a profile to profile point of view, I don’t see the connection and the few enquiries I have received are far off the mark.  I have therefore prepared a list of questions for would-be dating potentials!  Why?  Because I am going to cut to the chase and not waste my time or their’s.  And rather than a massive surprise later on down the road when I have invested time and energy to realise that this person is not what I expected him to be!

The questions I have in mind would go something like this:

What kind of car do you drive?  This is not because I am a car snob, in fact my favourite cars are the old Fiats and Seats.  No, this is because I want to know if you drive from nought to 120km and like an arse!  I want to know if you’re the driver who is up my backside in the fast lane when ahead there is a line of traffic and no-one is going anywhere either fast or slow!

Do you think that foreigners should go back to where they came from?  By this I mean black people!  If your views about people are based on the colour of their skin, I want to know now so that I don’t have to waste my life with you.  Too many of my younger years were spent being polite when white people got racist and I haven’t got the time or energy to deal with that now.

Do you get on with your mother?  I really hope so and that you respect her and show her so.  I hope she is the woman in your life for whom you drop everything to make sure she is okay and if she doesn’t live near by, you call her a couple of times a week and see her whenever you can.

Do you have a healthy relationship with your ex, the mother of your kids?  It’s not for me to become her best friend but if you have a negative relationship with her and you have kids together, then what does that say about you?

Do you have any money problems?  Yes, many of us struggle and I am right now, but I am paying my bills every month.  I don’t need or want anyone else’s financial concerns and I especially don’t want to see a man not paying his part in his life.

Do you smoke, do drugs, drink alcohol and get drunk easily and regularly?  Get a life, get help and grow up!  It impacts on everyone around you, never mind it not being healthy.

Do you watch porn or use porn to get it up?  Hmm, fantasy is a good thing but subjecting women to be servers of sex for your gratification….  nope, not interested!

Do you throw your litter away?  Do you recycle?  No?  Why the hell not!!

Do you find kids in general interesting?  This is a good indicator of whether it’s all about you or whether you are taking part in the bigger picture of humanity.  I like kids, all ages and especially teens.  I find them curious, interesting, alive and I am full of hope for them and their future.  If you are mentoring any then you’re the man for me!

Do you cook and do you enjoy it?  If you love your food and enjoy sharing and preparing, you’re the man for me!  And if you are concerned about what you put in your body and are conscious about source and are considering the feelings of all beings on the planet, I can’t wait to taste your cooking!

Do you dance?  Then I want you to me in your arms and hold me tight.  I want to feel your confidence and your strength exude through the music and fuse us together.  I want to feel your smile on my cheek and hear you whispering sweet nothings in my ear.  I will melt to be on the dance floor with you.

Do you have audacious plans and dreams for your future?  Yes?  Well so do I and they include you by my side.  I will support you, cheer you on, dream with you and enjoy having you by my side supporting me, cheering me on whilst still doing your own thing and going for it!  And you will never hold me back with petty jealousies and insecurities, wondering where I am and why I am not at home waiting for you!

In all of this I remain positive and especially love it when some awesome male friends remind me that there are some great guys out there.  One such message of hope from my good friend and brother, Eugene Skeef:

“Please don’t change, Glynis! Your guy is meditating out there somewhere in the hope of your ripples overlapping in the rhythm of true love…  You know, I imagine the world is heavily tipped to the side of poor sex/love. The poetry of making/forming/creating/sustaining/generating/envisioning love is mind-blowing!!!!!!! Your moment is just around the corner”

I look forward to meeting you!

 

 

 

Daring to date…

Just press return!

Just press return!

That’s it, I’ve taken the plunge, I’ve signed up to a dating site, hopefully the first and the last!  I feel quite strange today after having put together a profile of sorts last night.  I asked my dear friends to describe me for my profile and one said this: “warm, young, sexy as hell, spontaneous, clear in her boundaries, knows what she wants and is clear about it, a visionary, generous beyond belief, loyal, best friend anyone could ever wish for with oodles of affection waiting for the man lucky enough to find himself with her.  And boy is she a great dancer!”  I want to meet that woman – my friend told me to look in the mirror!

Another friend described me like this: “an outgoing, fun and curvy woman with a bring-it-on attitude to life, sparkling eyes, a strong back to carry her own baggage but prone to hernia if meant to carry anyone else’s, paradoxically deep and light, matter-of-fact and emotional, serious and comical. She loves to laugh and make people laugh, to eat and to cook, to have meaningful conversations and to share silences.  Her friends love her vitality, creativity and deeply caring attitude”.  This woman sounds great too!

So why this step and this direction which I must admit is quite alien to me.  In response then, it is seven years plus since Rob and I split up and apart from some mad moments (of which I really want a frontal lobotamy to help me forget) I have not dated, gone out with anyone or even met anyone!  Of course, this is not surprising as I don’t actually leave my house to do so!  I am not a sociable person which I imagine shocks or confuses the people who know me.  I am actually very shy when it comes to going out to bars or clubs or even parties and if I can find an excuse to cancel, I do just that!  (Apologies to all the friends who invited me over the years, now you know why I didn’t show up!)

I am also incredibly tongue tired when it comes to chatting with men.  They are an alien race to me and even though I am mother to two wonderful sons, it’s like looking at ants some days wondering why they do what they do – to me most of it seems quite pointless, the ants that is!  I am the ultimate woman’s woman.  I thrive in the company of women, I love the company of my sistas and could talk for hours on end with them.  My first sista with whom hours on end chatting was enjoyed was of course my younger sibling Lisa.  I grew up very close to her and don’t know what happened to cause our separation in later years.  Luckily for me, we are both working on renewing the vibe and I am proud to say that things are going exceedingly well to date.

So what do I hope to achieve or find with internet dating?  Well if a relationship were to come out of it then bring it on but mainly I am challenging my shyness to get out there and do something which I have managed to avoid, especially these past seven years and that is checking out guys!  What happened to me?  I feel out of practise as it’s been more than twenty years since I used to do a lot of it – flirting, checking them out, being playful and having fun. Being older and wiser (or so I like to think) means that this is all very different for me now and as my body changed over the past twenty years, so too has my confidence.  It’s not just the extra kilos although some days I think I might just lose a few.  It’s more the gawky teenage stuff in my head about myself.  I honestly feel like a teenager but one with her own car, credit card and debts!  Although I am older in years, emotionally, right now I feel a little insecure about me although whilst writing this I am giggling like a mad woman!

I am signed up, let’s see where it goes and let’s hope for some fun encounters along the way.  Now it’s time to get on with cleaning my house and stop making excuses for living in a pigsty – you never know, I might get to invite someone back one day!

I do!

Courtesy of Violetta Minnick Photography

Courtesy of Violetta Minnick Photography

Testimonials from some of the couples I was honoured to marry this summer:

We cannot thank you enough – from the bottom of our hearts, thank you so much for being a part of our magical wedding day.   It could not have gone better. You calmed my nerves and made the ceremony so so memorable. We’re forever grateful for that.   You will always be our friend, lots of love.  Danielle & Neil Beswick (9th May 2014)

Querida Glynis no tengo palabras para agradecerte todo lo que hiciste por nosotros el sábado. Conseguiste que disfrutara de la ceremonia más de lo que pueda describir, y eso que no las tenía todas conmigo por aquello de los nervios… pero lo lograste. Hiciste que el día más feliz de mi vida fuera, además, el día más entrañable que hemos podido compartir con nuestros familiares y amigos. GRACIAS de todo corazón. Jamás podré agradecerte lo suficiente tu esfuerzo. No dudes que, tanto Toni como yo misma te vamos a recomendar a todos nuestros amigos y conocidos. Hiciste que nuestra boda fuera impresionante!!  Mil gracias, AMIGA  Toni y Maki (24th May 2014)

We just wanted to say a massive thank you for being such a huge part of our special day in Mallorca.  We are truly honoured to have met you and having you marry us was absolutely perfect and Something that will live with us forever.  You are welcome at Mr & Mrs Bruce’s whenever you are in the UK and please promise us you will keep in touch.  All our love – Sophie & Matt (30th May 2014)

For me, the groom, standing at the front waiting for my bride could easily have been a daunting situation.  Not only did Glynis remind me that it was the brides perogative to be late on her big day, she managed to put myself and my best man at ease and even made us laugh.  The way Glynis structured the ceremony made sure it was all about us and what we were all there for.  She helped us every step of the way with our vows as well.  Meeting Glynis before the big day so that she could learn more about us was a wonderful experience.  We were both surprised to be overcome with emotion as she asked us poignant questions that really resonated with us, reminding us why we were meant to be together.  During the ceremony, we were reminded of many of these points which added a depth to the service.  Aside from that, it was the little things that were the big things – Glynis was constantly available to us in the lead up to the big day, she created a folder to read from that matched our colour scheme and she made us both feel relaxed that it would all run smoothly!  We would absolutely recommend Glynis for weddings. Our wedding ceremony was a colourful celebration and Glynis knew exactly the tone and combination of humour and sentiment we were after.  Emily said last night that she wanted to do it all over again – 6 months is may be a little soon to renew our vows but maybe one day!  Lots of love Emily & Josh (31st May 2014)

We both feel that the ceremony Glynis provided was the epitome of love. The readings and words that Glynis spoke were of truth, love, friendship, laughter and everything we feel a marriage should be based on. To have a celebrant embrace that and also deliver it in a way which made not only myself and my husband, but all our guests emotional, resulted in tears of joy as the ceremony was personal – and personal to us – and we cannot thank Glynis enough for that.   Glynis’s job was not made easy in trying to get to know us prior to our ceremony as we live in Australia. We emailed frequently and spoke about what we like to do and how we met, but Glynis also followed this with a series of Skype conversations which were so relaxed and comfortable we knew we were entering into the ceremony at total ease with a lady who respected our values and believed in our love.  Glynis will give you a ceremony that is about you, about your relationship, about your growth and values not something out of a textbook.  If you want a personal ceremony with heartfelt messages throughout, Glynis is your girl!  She is such a lovely lady who felt part of the family, who relaxed us and who you can talk to openly as if you have known her for years. We hope to see Glynis again and would recommend anybody having a Mallorca wedding to use her.  Lorraine & James (20th June 2014)

The thing we liked most about the ceremony was how relaxed it was, we always wanted an informal/personal service and this was well and truly achieved because of you. On a individual note you also helped to keep my nerves at bay by spending that time with me and Pete before the service started.  We felt you definitely got to know us. I think that meeting up before the wedding in April and spending those few hours chatting over coffee was fantastic, not only did it give you a chance to see what we were all about it also gave us a chance to get to know the person that would marry us, it’s an important decision and after meeting you it was an easy one to make. The fact the you included a little bit about us and the extended family in the service made it all the more personal, it was as if a well known friend was marrying us.  We would 100% recommend you………. we don’t think of you as our celebrant we think of you as our friend and someone who we will see again and again on our visit to the island.   Richard & Lynsey (10th October 2014)

What we loved the most was the professional and yet very informal way in which the ceremony was conducted, involving the whole family.  Beyond doubt it was very important that the celebrant got to know us, and from our emails, phone call and meeting for coffee, we both felt very comfortable with yourself, and it felt like talking to a true friend. We hope to remain in contact with you,as a friend,and should we be lucky enough to come to Mallorca again,we would certainly like to meet again as friends do.  We would both strongly recommend yourself to any couple for marriage or renewal, and we are both so very grateful to you for making our day so very special,and hopefully we will see you again.  Look after yourself and enjoy your life on the beautiful Island of Mallorca.  Vince and Yvonne (11th October 2014, renewal of vows)

I was honoured to be part of their big day and I look forward to their news in the years to come!

 

 

Then and now

Beach days

The photo above shows my mother Patricia (2nd R, checkered swimsuit) and my two older siblings Sian and Bryn at play in Jamaica back in the 50s.  Presumably my father Gerry was taking the photo.  I see glamourous Aunt Joan (back, glasses) and I think that’s Uncle David.  Whenever my father Gerry talked about Jamaica in the 50s, I was envious of that time.  He described a movement of great changes in that land, where the fight for equality and education took over his life.  He talked about his pupils and the kids coming from the bush seeking an education which of course he would give them, gladly taking on all and sundry.  He fought all of his life in the field of education for all children to have access to learning and he spent the last 12 years of his life with CEN (Communities Empowerment Network) fighting to have excluded and expelled children put back in school and full time education.  70hrs a week at 84 years of age was nothing to my dad Gerry!  Time for him was disciplined and filled with commitment, honour and his word.

Looking back on when I was small, time seemed more relaxed then.  Watching the great Anthony Hopkins play C S Lewis in a film yesterday, time even allowed for one to be sick as so witnessed when wife Joy Gresham falls ill with cancer.  The film showed a moment in our history where life seemed slower, more in tune with the surroundings and when Joy passes away I felt a sense of “holding the time” to enable the moment to pass, albeit with grief and suffering, but that too eventually passed for Jack and Douglas.

I have been silent these past few days, on my own, reflecting about life and more especially how it used to be when I was small. I have been experiencing a few days where time hasn’t mattered and I haven’t been led by the clock to determine my next step.

Recent world events are so quick to pass that in a matter of weeks, children and their families are being massacred in a matter of moments.  One minute playing ball, the next moment bloodshed, hysteria, suffering giving way to more in a matter of moments.  No time to stop, remember or grieve.  No time now until the next moment of madness.

When did it come to pass that even in death we decided there should be no time to acknowledge it?

And now?  The world has gone mad, quite simply mad.  The moment of madness has passed into more madness, into hysteria, with more bloodshed, more cocktails sipped over arms deals, more money made hand over fist, more corruption, more injustice, more people asleep to their own hearts and minds, more blindness.  We are all guilty.  Why you ask?  Because we are fighting with our brothers and sisters over whose opinion is right!  The bottom line is people are dying and this is not right.  People are being killed before our eyes.  People are being given no time to live and no time to die.  And whilst this goes on over there, we are fighting over who is right over here.

The time has come to peacefully acknowledge our own hearts and ask for forgiveness for our arguments, for our buying into the hate and the hurt that the puppeteers prefer we get sucked into.  Stand back, observe our own thoughts – are they clean, do they hate the “other side” – and then steer our mind in a postive manner.  More anger and hate will not help the situation there or here.

What can we do?  Pray for peace.  Send positive thoughts to the lost souls who govern our world and pray that they find somewhere in their hearts to start doing the right thing.  Send loveful thoughts to the souls that have passed, all of them, and send them to the light.  It’s hard, I know, which is why I have had to come inside myself these past few days to examine my own heart.  I apologise for my judgement and my righteous opinion.

Bon viatge Jana

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Janaina enjoying a winter’s day in Palma last December

In December last year I had one of those meetings of like minds and what a pleasure that was.  I had missed meeting this Brazilian beauty when she had visited in the previous summer but December decided that it was time for us to share a coffee and get to know each other.  Janaina had come from London with the instructions from our mutual friend Maria Candida to get in touch with me.  She called me at an exciting moment in my life and I soon discovered that she too was at an exciting moment in her own.  In this conversation we connected immediately, like old friends do when they haven’t spoken for a long while.  That was her – easy to talk to, friendly, sunny, happy, just a great energy all round and of course I had to get to know her!

We met in Sta Catalina and sat outside one of the many busy cafés and chatted easily.  What I immediately loved about Janaina, apart from her stunning smile and easy nature, was that she was eager and enthusiastic about life and invested in the beauty of it.  I told her about my latest idea in which I was committing to losing weight from 1st January and how my idea was a little bit more crazy than just dieting!  I planned to invite people to donate food for the hungry in Mallorca every time I lost a kilo.  I was used to receiving all sorts of reactions to this idea, from loud guffaws, to support by pledging food but from Janaina she was immediately on board and going to support me from her learnings about nutrition and she was going to treat me like a client but not charge me – how awesome was she!  I was hooked by her enthusiasm and we arranged to meet again.

Boxing Day was our next encounter and I took her along to a little party at my boss’ home and she fit in like a hand in a glove there!  I introduced her to good friends – Jo, Sue, Sylvia, Daniela, Sam, Kay, Hayley – to mention a few and of course their husbands.  I remember my boss looking over at her and wistfully but jokingly say to his son “what do you think about your new stepmother?”  She was a beauty alright but that rare beauty that is not in the physical but in the ethereal sense – almost divine.

She met my sons and we came back to my home and read the Osho cards.  I am no expert of card reading but I remember how excited we both were at what lay ahead and she was positive and in tune with her surroundings in this new stage of her life.  We arranged to have our first consultation in the next days and I met her at her home in Palma.

At this consultation I was struck by her unwavering support.  She was different to other practitioners I had ever met in that she was invested in me and my path.  I remember feeling supported in a gentle way and at one point she gave me a valuable tip and one I shall forever treasure.  She told me that when out walking, when taking the time to meditate the nature around me, I could begin to see myself physically how I wanted to be ie losing the weight I was setting out to lose.  More importantly though she told me I could love the Glynis I was here and now.  She told me to see every bit of me and love it all and in loving me I could make room for a newer me, the slimmer me I wanted to be.

We made plans that she would continue to treat me, she would come shopping with me the following week, she would even be delighted to come and show me how to cook in a more healthy manner.  Janaina was there for the long haul of my weight loss and she was invested in me – the future was there in that moment on the 28th December 2012 – we were more than nutritionist and patient, we were friends.

We emailed over the next couple of days and on the 31st December Janaina had a heart attack and from that day until yesterday lay in a different state of being.  She garnered an incredible support of love and light from all over the world.  She was supported by the unwavering love of her family and friends.  People who had met her once meditated for her as they had been touched by that one, fleeting moment of her.  Even people who hadn’t met her felt touched by her.  She was love.  She is light.  She has left this place now, this earthly dwelling and I believe she has spent the last 8 months creating magic and wonder.  She touched my life for sure.  I lost weight without really trying because she taught me some basic nutrition but more than that, she invited me to look at myself differently, with love rather.  That was the Janaina I met briefly – an earth angel who was love and who shared that with all who met and knew her.

Janaina, thank you for your inspiration – you were a joy to be with, your smile lifted up a hundred thousand heavy hearts – be happy.

Summer loving

weddings, celebrant, mallorca, majorca, son pont puigpunyent, glynis german,

I do!  Words to make me smile and feel good inside.  When we say these words, we open ourselves to a world filled with possibilities and maybe we shouldn’t limit saying these words in a wedding ceremony for magic to happen in our lives.

I enjoy my work as a wedding celebrant in Mallorca and love being a part of a day in which the highest degree of positivity is guaranteed. I insist on meeting the couple beforehand as I like my involvement to be more than just the day of the wedding. This gives me time to personalise the ceremony to fit with their beliefs and characters.

Here is a sample from the ceremony and my thoughts on marriage:

“Marriage is a commitment where two people create and contribute to a relationship based on peace, love and happiness.  In such a relationship, it becomes easy for both to value themselves so that in their giving, they are able to receive, without expectations of the other.  Both partners have their individual freedom to make positive choices based on their values.  In this way, each is free to realize that their loved one is not there to fulfill their needs but to support their growth in an atmosphere of respect, trust, cooperation and joy.   Marriage is the journey to discover the ways in which to grow and appreciate that life is to be lived and learned”.

I see my role as a sort of advisor too. I warn them to expect ups and downs, moments when they can’t cope with themselves anymore and where it is easy to blame their partner. A good marriage has a solid foundation and I remind the couple that values applied to themselves and what they wish for opens all sorts of constant magic between them, no matter what the situation.

Love story

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Lucky mum!

First born came home yesterday.  He’d been away since April, sailed away with the boat back to Valencia and then left that job to go to Barcelona.  There, he wrote and recorded a beautiful song in which he sang and played guitar.  From Barcelona, he looked on line and found a car going to Bilbao for 20€ with 3 others and off he went.  That kind of sums him up really – here, there and everywhere.  But home he came yesterday and wow, how I love that boy!

Second born is asleep on the sofa whilst I write this.  Where does the time go?  He will be 12 in September, ready for year 7 or 1st year secondary school as I used to know it.  He is growing as I write, fever coming down as sleep does its magic.  He challenges me these days with answers to my requests, lippy with it.  The school had me in for an hour’s meeting on Tuesday and I thank God for that school.  The teachers wanted to find a way to reward him and not punish him for recent “growing pains”.  They recognised that he is at that age of change, hormones starting their journey of confusion and rage and they want to guide him to where they know him, where they know the best of him.  Wow, how I love that boy!

I never planned these two and I never imagined being a mother.  Here I am, chosen by these two incredible beings to share their lives, rightly or wrongly along the way.  How I love that gift – thank you.

The school where second born goes is Escola Global – thoroughly recommended for seeing the individual that is your child.  http://www.escola-global.com/

Desperate Women

Where exactly do we file love!

Where exactly do we file love!

This week I have had the experience of women who are desperate to be loved.  Now whilst I know it is a human condition to want to experience love, I can’t understand people who will just accept any kind of experience disguised as love.

Now, I am a kick arse Jamaican woman in a lot of areas and I believe my total independence comes from that side of my family.  I am looking to celebrate 6 years in July of being on my own, apart from my own desperate moment 3 years ago which I prefer not to dwell upon!  For the main part, it has been a journey of wonder, awe, fear, courage, laughter, tears and accompanied by some incredible women in my life, not least my mother Patricia and my sister Sian.

I can appreciate now that by having them and all the other amazing women supporting me – you know who you are – I was able to get where I am today, thanks to that total, unconditional love they have for me.  I didn’t change for them, I was who I am, warts and all and I felt and still feel their love every day.  There have been men too in these years whose love and support has kept me going – my dear dad Gerry and my two wonderful bosses and also male colleagues Rick and Paco.  I have managed to piss Rick and Paco off over the years with my bad behaviour but they have never stopped loving me and for that I am grateful.  Even the father of our sons has supported me with our version of love and we are getting there, slowly but surely.

So what makes some people desperate to put up with relationships that bring out the worst of themselves?  Why do we insist on staying and exposing ourselves to negativity, put downs, insecurity, bad behaviour?  What is it that is stopping us from being the best of ourselves?  Fear seems to me to be the main reason.  Fear of what could be, of what one would have to do to get to a better place, fear of oneself, fear of change.

Fear is huge, it is a massive block to so much beauty.  If I could wave a magic wand and make everyone’s fear go away I would, but I believe it would stop them from experiencing the most incredible life change that awaits them.

I am right now living with a freaky fear of my own choosing – leaving the financial security of my job to go out and do what my heart is begging me to do.  Am I scared?  You bet your summer sandals I am!  Freaked!  Frightened to death!  That and more!  But at the same time, in another place in my tummy I am so excited, smiling all the time as I imagine and believe in seeing my future as it is meant to be.  More of today, more of goodness and positivity; more of amazing people in my life supporting me; more of opportunities that I can create and that are created for me; more, more and much more.

So to desperate women and men who want to be loved, I say- love thyself first.  Look at the whole and see the essence and love you for you.  No person can make you whole, no person can give you what you need or want.  You are responsible for you and until you love you, no-one else will.

Walk easy, walk safe, walk with peace and walk with love.  You won´t be alone, that I can promise.