8 years on…

Father and sons

Father and sons

Can you believe it?  Eight years ago I was about to embark on a most terrifying journey – divorce!  It was the most crushing summer of my life, nothing compared to the pain I went through and my immature way of handling things.  I hurt, wow did I hurt.  I was angry and that’s not a nice state of being to either experience or to witness.  During this journey my parents were my rock.  Although I never talked in depth to my dad about things, he was the one who initiated all the telephone calls, handing me over to my mother to go deeper into things.  I got through through all of it thanks to their unwavering support – to me, the boys and to the boys’ father too, they never stopped respecting him as their father.

My best friend Lana, godmother to second born, was also my rock.  She was between living here and back home in Croatia that year but she was there at the end of the phone or right by my side when she would visit.  She was the voice of reason, the voice of calm, the voice of practical common sense and thanks to her I was able to make sure that on a practical, financial level, everything was taken care of for the boys.

It is now eight years since and I rejoice at having received the gift of final separation of a relationship which had fallen dead on its feet without either of us realising at the time.  The journey has been intense and so worthwhile.  I have learned that I do eat more when stressed and I envy all those women who lose tons of weight when they separate, alas it was not meant to be for me!!

I also discovered some really good girlfriends who have been there for me during those hard times and since.  Interestingly enough most of them have left Mallorca since and whilst I miss them very much, I recognise that they were here at a very important time of my life and I thank them from the bottom of my heart – they helped rebuild me.  I am learning to reconnect with people again, slowly but I am getting there and I am starting to see a way forward.

I have done a lot of great things since that summer of 2007.  I went back to work and enjoyed five and a half years in the best job I ever had, working for Planet Space.  I still enjoy connecting with my old bosses and colleagues from time to time, taking along a cake for them to enjoy or just popping in.  I started a Peace Centre which was an ambitious project, stalled but not forgotten.  I have my own weekly radio show, “The Happiness Café” every Monday morning at 10am on Mallorca Sunshine Radio – there’s a plug you can’t ignore!  I am proud of that show and what it stands for and invite you to follow.

The best of all is now, 8 years on, as my ex, our sons’ father has come to live next-door-but-one!  Yes he has taken number 2 in our street and there is only number 4 between our houses.  I am so happy, my hand on my heart, this is the best thing to have happened to our family and no words can describe the joy I feel at having Rob living nearby.  To see how happy the boys are is to feel that Rob and I have come a long way since June 2007.  He still annoys the hell out of me but I am doing his washing until he gets his own washing machine.  The laugh I had with first born when he realised I was hanging out his dad’s washing is priceless – you should have seen the two of us in the garden with me begging him not to tell his friends!  Second born is just a happy bunny, he doesn’t like us arguing but hey, we’re still learning, his father and I!

 

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Seeds and watching them grow

Whether you like it or not, things are changing

Whether you like it or not, things are changing

“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” ― Leo Tolstoy

I feel like a sloth!  Moving slowly and only when necessary.  That’s how it has been so far this year, one step at a time, slowly does it.  I have been busy with many different things but at times wonder what it is I am doing.  I have had moments of panic, imagining that there was something I needed to do, something to prove but that passed into a dreamlike state of acceptance that all will be revealed in time.

I paused the project at the Peace Centre due to the owner wanting to come back but I continued looking after the property (she’s not back till later this summer).  People have been using the beautiful, sacred space in return for a donation to cover the various bills and we have had a few things going on: courses in comedy, improvisation, healthy vegetarian cookery and social events such as the menú del días and coffee mornings.

I have managed to do some stand up comedy – on a bus from Inca to Sa Pobla, at the International Women’s Day event and in London and Montreux.  I didn’t think I was particularly good at some of those gigs but I am learning.  It’s a scary place to be, up there on my own with just a mike and an audience.  I wonder why I put myself through the torture especially as the naturally funny me is not there yet and this awkward, insecure woman who trashes herself in her mind with a series of “could do better” type school reports is.  Discipline was never my friend and that’s what it’s going to take, once I get over the sloth phase – I hope!

I have also acted as a wedding celebrant which I love and this season of summer weddings is going to be a great one!  I truly love marrying couples and being part of a day guaranteed to be positive from start to finish.  I get to know a couple in love, they all have different stories and they all impress me again and again with how simple life can be, if we let it.  I hope to add to this work by doing funerals, namings and comings of age and anything else that needs a celebration!  I believe that for those big events in life, we should stop and acknowledge and celebrate them.  By the way, I will travel anywhere to help you celebrate!

I have also been using my voice this year and have done some voice overs for various things.  If you switch on local television, you might hear me telling you all about Mallorca!  I also proposed a radio show at the beginning of the year and this was finally accepted.  Next week I shall be recording my first show for transmission very soon.  You will have to listen to Mallorca Sunshine Radio on 106.1FM and join me with your comments, questions and information on what’s happening and what’s on in Mallorca.  The show is called “The Happiness Café” and I shall be interviewing inspirational people locally and globally.  If you want to join me, please drop me a line, call or even introduce me to someone you think we should speak to!  As I am blessed with so many amazingly, positive friends who inspire me I have no shortage of interviewees and you will get to know them too.

I even managed a two day trip to London to translate for my hairdresser Cristina who will be bringing back a new line in hair products for the island.  It was an intense two days but very exciting and lots of fun!  I felt like a tramp when I saw them at the airport – three glamourous, sophisticated women and hubby David looking dapper.  (Not hubby to all three mind you!)  But so much for them being professional hairdressers – I was the only one carrying a hairbrush with me!  The good news is that this new product is really a big deal and Shiro Beauty Salon in Binissalem will be the first to carry it.  I’ll let you know when it gets here so you can enjoy chemical free products that do a good job with your hair!  Now I am dreaming of being a hairdresser when I grow up.

I am busy, I am in the midst of change, I have no idea where it is taking me but I am living my faith that I am on the right path.  Will I know when I get there?  I don’t even think that’s important anymore because the fact is, it’s how I am today that counts and right now I am happy to be where I am.