That’s it, I’ve taken the plunge, I’ve signed up to a dating site, hopefully the first and the last! I feel quite strange today after having put together a profile of sorts last night. I asked my dear friends to describe me for my profile and one said this: “warm, young, sexy as hell, spontaneous, clear in her boundaries, knows what she wants and is clear about it, a visionary, generous beyond belief, loyal, best friend anyone could ever wish for with oodles of affection waiting for the man lucky enough to find himself with her. And boy is she a great dancer!” I want to meet that woman – my friend told me to look in the mirror!
Another friend described me like this: “an outgoing, fun and curvy woman with a bring-it-on attitude to life, sparkling eyes, a strong back to carry her own baggage but prone to hernia if meant to carry anyone else’s, paradoxically deep and light, matter-of-fact and emotional, serious and comical. She loves to laugh and make people laugh, to eat and to cook, to have meaningful conversations and to share silences. Her friends love her vitality, creativity and deeply caring attitude”. This woman sounds great too!
So why this step and this direction which I must admit is quite alien to me. In response then, it is seven years plus since Rob and I split up and apart from some mad moments (of which I really want a frontal lobotamy to help me forget) I have not dated, gone out with anyone or even met anyone! Of course, this is not surprising as I don’t actually leave my house to do so! I am not a sociable person which I imagine shocks or confuses the people who know me. I am actually very shy when it comes to going out to bars or clubs or even parties and if I can find an excuse to cancel, I do just that! (Apologies to all the friends who invited me over the years, now you know why I didn’t show up!)
I am also incredibly tongue tired when it comes to chatting with men. They are an alien race to me and even though I am mother to two wonderful sons, it’s like looking at ants some days wondering why they do what they do – to me most of it seems quite pointless, the ants that is! I am the ultimate woman’s woman. I thrive in the company of women, I love the company of my sistas and could talk for hours on end with them. My first sista with whom hours on end chatting was enjoyed was of course my younger sibling Lisa. I grew up very close to her and don’t know what happened to cause our separation in later years. Luckily for me, we are both working on renewing the vibe and I am proud to say that things are going exceedingly well to date.
So what do I hope to achieve or find with internet dating? Well if a relationship were to come out of it then bring it on but mainly I am challenging my shyness to get out there and do something which I have managed to avoid, especially these past seven years and that is checking out guys! What happened to me? I feel out of practise as it’s been more than twenty years since I used to do a lot of it – flirting, checking them out, being playful and having fun. Being older and wiser (or so I like to think) means that this is all very different for me now and as my body changed over the past twenty years, so too has my confidence. It’s not just the extra kilos although some days I think I might just lose a few. It’s more the gawky teenage stuff in my head about myself. I honestly feel like a teenager but one with her own car, credit card and debts! Although I am older in years, emotionally, right now I feel a little insecure about me although whilst writing this I am giggling like a mad woman!
I am signed up, let’s see where it goes and let’s hope for some fun encounters along the way. Now it’s time to get on with cleaning my house and stop making excuses for living in a pigsty – you never know, I might get to invite someone back one day!