Wasting no time

Tick box

Tick box

As you know I joined a dating site recently and had to prepare my profile which would hopefully interest would-be suitors.  So far, from a profile to profile point of view, I don’t see the connection and the few enquiries I have received are far off the mark.  I have therefore prepared a list of questions for would-be dating potentials!  Why?  Because I am going to cut to the chase and not waste my time or their’s.  And rather than a massive surprise later on down the road when I have invested time and energy to realise that this person is not what I expected him to be!

The questions I have in mind would go something like this:

What kind of car do you drive?  This is not because I am a car snob, in fact my favourite cars are the old Fiats and Seats.  No, this is because I want to know if you drive from nought to 120km and like an arse!  I want to know if you’re the driver who is up my backside in the fast lane when ahead there is a line of traffic and no-one is going anywhere either fast or slow!

Do you think that foreigners should go back to where they came from?  By this I mean black people!  If your views about people are based on the colour of their skin, I want to know now so that I don’t have to waste my life with you.  Too many of my younger years were spent being polite when white people got racist and I haven’t got the time or energy to deal with that now.

Do you get on with your mother?  I really hope so and that you respect her and show her so.  I hope she is the woman in your life for whom you drop everything to make sure she is okay and if she doesn’t live near by, you call her a couple of times a week and see her whenever you can.

Do you have a healthy relationship with your ex, the mother of your kids?  It’s not for me to become her best friend but if you have a negative relationship with her and you have kids together, then what does that say about you?

Do you have any money problems?  Yes, many of us struggle and I am right now, but I am paying my bills every month.  I don’t need or want anyone else’s financial concerns and I especially don’t want to see a man not paying his part in his life.

Do you smoke, do drugs, drink alcohol and get drunk easily and regularly?  Get a life, get help and grow up!  It impacts on everyone around you, never mind it not being healthy.

Do you watch porn or use porn to get it up?  Hmm, fantasy is a good thing but subjecting women to be servers of sex for your gratification….  nope, not interested!

Do you throw your litter away?  Do you recycle?  No?  Why the hell not!!

Do you find kids in general interesting?  This is a good indicator of whether it’s all about you or whether you are taking part in the bigger picture of humanity.  I like kids, all ages and especially teens.  I find them curious, interesting, alive and I am full of hope for them and their future.  If you are mentoring any then you’re the man for me!

Do you cook and do you enjoy it?  If you love your food and enjoy sharing and preparing, you’re the man for me!  And if you are concerned about what you put in your body and are conscious about source and are considering the feelings of all beings on the planet, I can’t wait to taste your cooking!

Do you dance?  Then I want you to me in your arms and hold me tight.  I want to feel your confidence and your strength exude through the music and fuse us together.  I want to feel your smile on my cheek and hear you whispering sweet nothings in my ear.  I will melt to be on the dance floor with you.

Do you have audacious plans and dreams for your future?  Yes?  Well so do I and they include you by my side.  I will support you, cheer you on, dream with you and enjoy having you by my side supporting me, cheering me on whilst still doing your own thing and going for it!  And you will never hold me back with petty jealousies and insecurities, wondering where I am and why I am not at home waiting for you!

In all of this I remain positive and especially love it when some awesome male friends remind me that there are some great guys out there.  One such message of hope from my good friend and brother, Eugene Skeef:

“Please don’t change, Glynis! Your guy is meditating out there somewhere in the hope of your ripples overlapping in the rhythm of true love…  You know, I imagine the world is heavily tipped to the side of poor sex/love. The poetry of making/forming/creating/sustaining/generating/envisioning love is mind-blowing!!!!!!! Your moment is just around the corner”

I look forward to meeting you!

 

 

 

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Daring to date…

Just press return!

Just press return!

That’s it, I’ve taken the plunge, I’ve signed up to a dating site, hopefully the first and the last!  I feel quite strange today after having put together a profile of sorts last night.  I asked my dear friends to describe me for my profile and one said this: “warm, young, sexy as hell, spontaneous, clear in her boundaries, knows what she wants and is clear about it, a visionary, generous beyond belief, loyal, best friend anyone could ever wish for with oodles of affection waiting for the man lucky enough to find himself with her.  And boy is she a great dancer!”  I want to meet that woman – my friend told me to look in the mirror!

Another friend described me like this: “an outgoing, fun and curvy woman with a bring-it-on attitude to life, sparkling eyes, a strong back to carry her own baggage but prone to hernia if meant to carry anyone else’s, paradoxically deep and light, matter-of-fact and emotional, serious and comical. She loves to laugh and make people laugh, to eat and to cook, to have meaningful conversations and to share silences.  Her friends love her vitality, creativity and deeply caring attitude”.  This woman sounds great too!

So why this step and this direction which I must admit is quite alien to me.  In response then, it is seven years plus since Rob and I split up and apart from some mad moments (of which I really want a frontal lobotamy to help me forget) I have not dated, gone out with anyone or even met anyone!  Of course, this is not surprising as I don’t actually leave my house to do so!  I am not a sociable person which I imagine shocks or confuses the people who know me.  I am actually very shy when it comes to going out to bars or clubs or even parties and if I can find an excuse to cancel, I do just that!  (Apologies to all the friends who invited me over the years, now you know why I didn’t show up!)

I am also incredibly tongue tired when it comes to chatting with men.  They are an alien race to me and even though I am mother to two wonderful sons, it’s like looking at ants some days wondering why they do what they do – to me most of it seems quite pointless, the ants that is!  I am the ultimate woman’s woman.  I thrive in the company of women, I love the company of my sistas and could talk for hours on end with them.  My first sista with whom hours on end chatting was enjoyed was of course my younger sibling Lisa.  I grew up very close to her and don’t know what happened to cause our separation in later years.  Luckily for me, we are both working on renewing the vibe and I am proud to say that things are going exceedingly well to date.

So what do I hope to achieve or find with internet dating?  Well if a relationship were to come out of it then bring it on but mainly I am challenging my shyness to get out there and do something which I have managed to avoid, especially these past seven years and that is checking out guys!  What happened to me?  I feel out of practise as it’s been more than twenty years since I used to do a lot of it – flirting, checking them out, being playful and having fun. Being older and wiser (or so I like to think) means that this is all very different for me now and as my body changed over the past twenty years, so too has my confidence.  It’s not just the extra kilos although some days I think I might just lose a few.  It’s more the gawky teenage stuff in my head about myself.  I honestly feel like a teenager but one with her own car, credit card and debts!  Although I am older in years, emotionally, right now I feel a little insecure about me although whilst writing this I am giggling like a mad woman!

I am signed up, let’s see where it goes and let’s hope for some fun encounters along the way.  Now it’s time to get on with cleaning my house and stop making excuses for living in a pigsty – you never know, I might get to invite someone back one day!

I do!

Courtesy of Violetta Minnick Photography

Courtesy of Violetta Minnick Photography

Testimonials from some of the couples I was honoured to marry this summer:

We cannot thank you enough – from the bottom of our hearts, thank you so much for being a part of our magical wedding day.   It could not have gone better. You calmed my nerves and made the ceremony so so memorable. We’re forever grateful for that.   You will always be our friend, lots of love.  Danielle & Neil Beswick (9th May 2014)

Querida Glynis no tengo palabras para agradecerte todo lo que hiciste por nosotros el sábado. Conseguiste que disfrutara de la ceremonia más de lo que pueda describir, y eso que no las tenía todas conmigo por aquello de los nervios… pero lo lograste. Hiciste que el día más feliz de mi vida fuera, además, el día más entrañable que hemos podido compartir con nuestros familiares y amigos. GRACIAS de todo corazón. Jamás podré agradecerte lo suficiente tu esfuerzo. No dudes que, tanto Toni como yo misma te vamos a recomendar a todos nuestros amigos y conocidos. Hiciste que nuestra boda fuera impresionante!!  Mil gracias, AMIGA  Toni y Maki (24th May 2014)

We just wanted to say a massive thank you for being such a huge part of our special day in Mallorca.  We are truly honoured to have met you and having you marry us was absolutely perfect and Something that will live with us forever.  You are welcome at Mr & Mrs Bruce’s whenever you are in the UK and please promise us you will keep in touch.  All our love – Sophie & Matt (30th May 2014)

For me, the groom, standing at the front waiting for my bride could easily have been a daunting situation.  Not only did Glynis remind me that it was the brides perogative to be late on her big day, she managed to put myself and my best man at ease and even made us laugh.  The way Glynis structured the ceremony made sure it was all about us and what we were all there for.  She helped us every step of the way with our vows as well.  Meeting Glynis before the big day so that she could learn more about us was a wonderful experience.  We were both surprised to be overcome with emotion as she asked us poignant questions that really resonated with us, reminding us why we were meant to be together.  During the ceremony, we were reminded of many of these points which added a depth to the service.  Aside from that, it was the little things that were the big things – Glynis was constantly available to us in the lead up to the big day, she created a folder to read from that matched our colour scheme and she made us both feel relaxed that it would all run smoothly!  We would absolutely recommend Glynis for weddings. Our wedding ceremony was a colourful celebration and Glynis knew exactly the tone and combination of humour and sentiment we were after.  Emily said last night that she wanted to do it all over again – 6 months is may be a little soon to renew our vows but maybe one day!  Lots of love Emily & Josh (31st May 2014)

We both feel that the ceremony Glynis provided was the epitome of love. The readings and words that Glynis spoke were of truth, love, friendship, laughter and everything we feel a marriage should be based on. To have a celebrant embrace that and also deliver it in a way which made not only myself and my husband, but all our guests emotional, resulted in tears of joy as the ceremony was personal – and personal to us – and we cannot thank Glynis enough for that.   Glynis’s job was not made easy in trying to get to know us prior to our ceremony as we live in Australia. We emailed frequently and spoke about what we like to do and how we met, but Glynis also followed this with a series of Skype conversations which were so relaxed and comfortable we knew we were entering into the ceremony at total ease with a lady who respected our values and believed in our love.  Glynis will give you a ceremony that is about you, about your relationship, about your growth and values not something out of a textbook.  If you want a personal ceremony with heartfelt messages throughout, Glynis is your girl!  She is such a lovely lady who felt part of the family, who relaxed us and who you can talk to openly as if you have known her for years. We hope to see Glynis again and would recommend anybody having a Mallorca wedding to use her.  Lorraine & James (20th June 2014)

The thing we liked most about the ceremony was how relaxed it was, we always wanted an informal/personal service and this was well and truly achieved because of you. On a individual note you also helped to keep my nerves at bay by spending that time with me and Pete before the service started.  We felt you definitely got to know us. I think that meeting up before the wedding in April and spending those few hours chatting over coffee was fantastic, not only did it give you a chance to see what we were all about it also gave us a chance to get to know the person that would marry us, it’s an important decision and after meeting you it was an easy one to make. The fact the you included a little bit about us and the extended family in the service made it all the more personal, it was as if a well known friend was marrying us.  We would 100% recommend you………. we don’t think of you as our celebrant we think of you as our friend and someone who we will see again and again on our visit to the island.   Richard & Lynsey (10th October 2014)

What we loved the most was the professional and yet very informal way in which the ceremony was conducted, involving the whole family.  Beyond doubt it was very important that the celebrant got to know us, and from our emails, phone call and meeting for coffee, we both felt very comfortable with yourself, and it felt like talking to a true friend. We hope to remain in contact with you,as a friend,and should we be lucky enough to come to Mallorca again,we would certainly like to meet again as friends do.  We would both strongly recommend yourself to any couple for marriage or renewal, and we are both so very grateful to you for making our day so very special,and hopefully we will see you again.  Look after yourself and enjoy your life on the beautiful Island of Mallorca.  Vince and Yvonne (11th October 2014, renewal of vows)

I was honoured to be part of their big day and I look forward to their news in the years to come!