This week I have had the experience of women who are desperate to be loved. Now whilst I know it is a human condition to want to experience love, I can’t understand people who will just accept any kind of experience disguised as love.
Now, I am a kick arse Jamaican woman in a lot of areas and I believe my total independence comes from that side of my family. I am looking to celebrate 6 years in July of being on my own, apart from my own desperate moment 3 years ago which I prefer not to dwell upon! For the main part, it has been a journey of wonder, awe, fear, courage, laughter, tears and accompanied by some incredible women in my life, not least my mother Patricia and my sister Sian.
I can appreciate now that by having them and all the other amazing women supporting me – you know who you are – I was able to get where I am today, thanks to that total, unconditional love they have for me. I didn’t change for them, I was who I am, warts and all and I felt and still feel their love every day. There have been men too in these years whose love and support has kept me going – my dear dad Gerry and my two wonderful bosses and also male colleagues Rick and Paco. I have managed to piss Rick and Paco off over the years with my bad behaviour but they have never stopped loving me and for that I am grateful. Even the father of our sons has supported me with our version of love and we are getting there, slowly but surely.
So what makes some people desperate to put up with relationships that bring out the worst of themselves? Why do we insist on staying and exposing ourselves to negativity, put downs, insecurity, bad behaviour? What is it that is stopping us from being the best of ourselves? Fear seems to me to be the main reason. Fear of what could be, of what one would have to do to get to a better place, fear of oneself, fear of change.
Fear is huge, it is a massive block to so much beauty. If I could wave a magic wand and make everyone’s fear go away I would, but I believe it would stop them from experiencing the most incredible life change that awaits them.
I am right now living with a freaky fear of my own choosing – leaving the financial security of my job to go out and do what my heart is begging me to do. Am I scared? You bet your summer sandals I am! Freaked! Frightened to death! That and more! But at the same time, in another place in my tummy I am so excited, smiling all the time as I imagine and believe in seeing my future as it is meant to be. More of today, more of goodness and positivity; more of amazing people in my life supporting me; more of opportunities that I can create and that are created for me; more, more and much more.
So to desperate women and men who want to be loved, I say- love thyself first. Look at the whole and see the essence and love you for you. No person can make you whole, no person can give you what you need or want. You are responsible for you and until you love you, no-one else will.
Walk easy, walk safe, walk with peace and walk with love. You won´t be alone, that I can promise.